Books to read after the death of a loved one
Published on March 2, 2025
My fiancé’s death was unexpected and sudden. It was an experience that solidified life’s reality as a time of waiting and preparation.
Saint Thérèse said it best: “The world is thy ship and not thy home.” We are created for eternal union with God, which cannot reach its perfection until we are purified and pass from this life.
But we don’t need to wait until death to experience union with God. That can start today. Right now — here in this present moment — God calls each of us deeper into his Sacred Heart.
My fiancé lived with this understanding. Unity with God was the backbone of his every choice and action. His life’s mission was simple. It was to love and serve God by doing these three things:
- Meet Him in daily prayer,
- cultivate a life of virtue, and
- unflinchingly remove any barrier that separated him from God.
The following books set me on fire with his mission as I began to navigate a life without him. The list ranges from sweetly consoling (Story of a Soul) to intensely purifying (My Imitation of Christ).
They filled me with the eternal, encouraged me to turn my eyes outward rather than inward, and taught me how to begin carrying my heavy burden.
Here are nine books to read after the death of a loved one.
My Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis
Thomas à Kempis wrote extensively about receiving and enduring suffering, shaping how I viewed my new suffering. This particular quote continues to resonate with me:
“When thou shalt arrive thus far, that tribulation becomes sweet and savory to thee for the love of Christ, then think that it is well with thee, for thou has found a paradise upon earth.” (Way of the Cross, 11)
My fiancé always kept My Imitation of Christ in his pocket when we were dating. Every chapter refines the interior life, carefully correcting and inspiring. This small but mighty book drew me deeply into prayer.
Purchase here.
The Art of Living by Edward Sri
I walked away from The Art of Living with a greater self-awareness and a better sense of how I can serve my community. When we are grieving the death of a loved one, it can be easy to turn inwards, closing ourselves off from everything around us. Or it can be a time to open our eyes and discover how shallowly we’ve been living for our whole lives.
“Virtue, however, should be understood relationally. The virtues are not important for merely one’s own life; they are the habitual dispositions we need to love God and the people God has placed in our lives. Virtue gives us the freedom to love.”
Virtue can take us from being self-focused to other-focused, giving us a greater capacity to love. This book took me deeper into understanding my shortcomings by defining the four cardinal virtues—prudence, temperance, fortitude, and justice—and explaining the common pitfalls of practicing each virtue.
Purchase here.
Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Philippe
When a nightmare becomes a reality, how is it possible to maintain peace while stumbling through the “valley of tears”? It seems entirely impossible. Yet the lives of the saints are a testimony to the impossible. In their suffering, they are perfected and united to God. When we carry our cross alongside Christ, something incredible can happen:
“If, in confronting a person who is suffering, we have this conviction that it is Jesus Who is suffering in this person, Who in this person completes that which is lacking in His Passion, to speak like Saint Paul, how can one despair in the face of this suffering? Is His passion not redemptive? Do not grieve as other people do who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
Searching for and Maintaining Peace explains how we can cultivate peace interiorly in the smallest and greatest trials. For those who are grieving, the book gives practical instructions on how Christ can be made known to the world through our peaceful surrender in the face of great tragedy.
Purchase here.
Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence: The Secret of Peace and Happiness by St. Claude La Colombière, Fr. Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure
An acquaintance from college sent me this small book with a kind letter soon after he died. She read it several times after her mom passed away. After reading Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence, I was inspired to willingly receive my suffering as an opportunity to be united to Christ.
“Finally, if some great misfortune should actually happen, instead of wasting time in complaint or self-pity, go throw yourself at once at the feet of your Saviour and implore His grace to bear your trial with fortitude and patience…go to God, but go at once, go there and then. Let this be your first thought. Go and report to Him what He has done to you. Kiss the hands of God crucified for you, the hands that have struck you and caused you to suffer. Repeat over and over again to Him His own words to His Father while He was suffering: Not my will but thine be done.”
The authors dive into the big question most people ask when encountering trials: why is there suffering? They give a response to this challenging question, but it requires us to go deeper: What do we do with this suffering? How can it be redemptive?
Purchase here.
Story of a Soul by Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
Story of a Soul was a breath of fresh air. I was inspired as I read the thoughts and events of a soul deeply united to God in this life. St. Thérèse’s witness of redemptive suffering is beautiful: “I made up my mind, there and then, to stay in spirit at the foot of the Cross, to gather up the dew of heavenly life and give it to others.”
“I learned from experience that joy does not reside in the things about us, but in the very depths of the soul, that one can have it in the gloom of a dungeon as well as in the palace of a king.”
A hopeful theme emerges from St. Thérèse’s writing (and the writings of countless other saints): true joy is deeper than whatever pains us in this life. Joy can be experienced in a suffering soul when that soul is filled with trust and love for God.
Purchase here.
Death and Immortality by Josef Pieper
I have never been one to pick up a philosopher’s book and read it cover to cover, let alone enjoy it. Although some concepts went over my head, I was captivated by Josef Pieper’s exploration of death.
The pain I experienced (and continue to experience) when my fiancé died was articulated in a way I couldn’t have come to on my own:
“But we have said that alongside this widespread temptation to avoid meeting the reality of death there is an opportunity for a direct experience of one’s own death in witnessing the death of others. But this is granted to us only on a single premise. The premise is love.”
The death of a loved one is to experience our own approaching death directly. Pieper writes, “No one experiences the pain and dreadfulness of death and dying so thoroughly as one who loves.”
Death and Immortality discusses the painful separation of body and soul, our Creator’s intention to have the body and soul unified, the mysterious choice that we make at the moment of our death, the inviolability of a soul, and the immortal reunion of our soul to our glorified body.
Purchase here.
The Liturgy of the Hours
My fiancé prayed the liturgy of the hours every day. I picked up where he left off, trying to stay connected to him. The practice became a pillar in my daily prayer.
The Psalms, canticles, prayers, and readings gave voice to the aching parts of my heart that words could not sufficiently express. The Liturgy of the Hours enhanced my experience with the faith, covering everything between tears and adoration. The deepest sorrows of life can reveal the greatest joys of our merciful Lord.
“There is cause for rejoicing here. You may for a time have to suffer the distress of many trials; but this is so that your faith, which is more precious than the passing splendor of fire-tried gold, may by its genuineness lead to praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ appears. Although you have never seen him, you love him, and without seeing you now believe in him, and rejoice with inexpressible joy touched with glory because you are achieving faith’s goal, your salvation.” (Peter 1:6-9)
In moments of pain, I can remember, with hope, the promise our Lord made to us: “In the tender compassion of our God the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace.” (From the Canticle of Zechariah, Luke 1:78-79)
Purchase here, or subscribe to the Word on Fire’s monthly booklets.
The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman
I would be remiss if I didn’t add a fun book. Even though everything in my life has become more serious, I recognize the importance of welcoming moments of levity.
The Shadow of the Bear is the first book in a series of classic Grimm fairytales retold. These books were a highlight of my teen years and stand the test of time—I thoroughly enjoyed rereading them as an adult.
Regina Doman weaves the beauty of our Catholic faith into an adventurous plotline. Each character has struggles to overcome and the story reveals how God works in their lives to lead them toward goodness.
Purchase here.
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
I almost didn’t include A Grief Observed on my list because I couldn’t connect with the way C.S. Lewis grieved the loss of his wife. While this book ranks lowest on my list of “helpful books,” I know others who gained a lot by reading Lewis’s story.
Every person is unique in their experience of death and grief. My experience looks different from C.S. Lewis’s experience which looks different from your experience, and so on. Every story of suffering can reveal new parts of Christ’s wounds.
With all of our differences in grief, C.S. Lewis and I can agree on this:
“‘It was too perfect to last,” so I am tempted to say…but it can be meant in two ways…as if God no sooner saw two of His creatures happy than He stopped it (‘None of that here!’)…But it could also mean ‘This had reached its proper perfection. This had become what it had in it to be. Therefore of course it would not be prolonged.’”
Purchase here.
While we are grieving, let’s encounter the mercy and love of God. Christ shows us the way to begin eternity now through suffering. This is the truth: Heavenly joy can be experienced in the depths of the soul amidst even the greatest of pains.
If you know someone who is grieving the death of a loved one, one of these books might make a good gift. Here are more ideas on how to show up for your friend in their time of grief.
Have you suffered loss? What books were helpful for you? Add your recommendations in the comments to make the booklist longer.
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A Journey Through the Darkness. A story about the death of my daughter by Frank Goulet
Thank you very much for this article. If I may: just as you said about C.S. Lewis, so with my suggestion – it will not be for everybody, but it might be for SOME. I find that the older Breviary, the traditional breviary approved by Benedict XVI, was much, much more consoling due to its finer, deeper translations. (While each office is longer, one can choose to read fewer psalms). And it does not eliminate Prime, my favorite office of the day. (I more than understand that others may feel differently, but as someone still in the throes of grief, this has been a Godsend).
God’s timing is perfect as always! Good Grief is another excellent one along with Fr. Chris Alar’s- After Suicide – There’s Hope for them and you which tells the story of his grandmother’s suicide. Today is the funeral ofJack Garitty – a 20 year old who died by suicide. please pray for the repose of his soul and for his family and friends who are in anguish. Grant them God’s grace and mercy. Amen
Arise from datknesx by fr benedict grieschel
When the Dying Speak: How to Listen to and Learn from Those Facing Death by Ron Wooten-Green. This book should be read while your loved one is facing death. It details the author’s experiences (as a Deacon and hospice chaplain) with people as they approach death. There are numerous comforting stories and it helps you understand that your loved one may be experiencing a different reality. I highly recommend this book.
If I may, I post here a link to songs, songs written by myself after the death of my daughter at the age of eight. These songs were Holy Spirit inspired and still bring me consolation after 22 years. I pray they can do the same for others.
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXOxdVbEeFSMXm8lvDvXzS1c8QloACbqj
I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless and May he bring you peace.
Understanding Divine Mercy by Father Chris Alar
Love is Stonger Than Death by Rick Rotondi
“Grieving With Grace, A Woman’s Perspective”
by Dolores R. Leckey
Also “Whispers of God’s Love”
Thank you for this beautiful writing & information… Death is the doorway to Life as we know our eternal Life and we mut prepare here on earth with a joy and full knowledge what Our Lord God wants for us… Let us experience this Life now through receiving His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Holy Eucharist experiencing this intimate relationship now with Our Lord God, Jesus Christ becoming the God/Man in every Sacred Liturgy in His Word and in His Person contained in the Sacred Species… May Our Blessed Mother & Saint Joseph guide us on this journey just as they walked & lived with Our Lord for 30 years… May the Holy Family do the same for us now, In Christ’s Love… always, Peter Lepre, Envoy For Mercy(MIC)
Midwife for Souls:Spiritual Care for the Dying by Kathy Kalina. Caring for one who is dying is a beautiful opportunity to prepare them (and yourself) for seeing God face-to-face.
Based on her experience of a hospice nurse, Kathy Kalina guides the caregiver through an experience of preparing the soul through the transition from death to life.
With God in Russia by Fr. Walter Ciszek, with He Leadeth Me, his spiritual memoir of his 23 years in the Soviet gulag.
Spiritually prepared me for the journey through the dark valley.
He helped me to experience the surrender that allows you to truly bear fruit, the death of self and plans and hopes that are the grain of wheat dying and bearing much fruit.
“Passing Time” is another great resource. It has sections on suffering, the hour of death, death, and Purgatory and remembrance. It’s not an original work, but a collection of meditations, prayers, and catechesis from a variety of traditional Catholic sources, some out of print.
https://catholictreehouse.com/products/passing-time-comfort-consolation-for-the-suffering-dying-and-their-companions/