How Moms Work, Part 2: Stay-at-home moms
Published on February 17, 2025
When discussing motherhood, it’s easy to fall into a false dichotomy: Moms either work or stay at home. This dichotomy causes many moms guilt and confusion if they don’t fit neatly into one of these two categories. It also undermines the great level of dedication and skill it takes to be a full-time homemaker. As this series on “How Moms Work” hopes to show, mothers work in various ways, each with its own unique value and challenges.
Bridget’s story
When I was thinking of how to portray the fullness of life as a stay-at-home mom, my friend Bridget came to mind. Bridget has three children, ages 7, 5, and 2, and a fourth is on the way. Her oldest child attends school, and she teaches her 5-year-old kindergarten lessons at home.
“We’re interested in homeschooling all of our kids,” she shared with me. “But I also love what traditional school settings offer them! It’s a constant conversation for us, as it is for many families.”
Bridget worked in an office setting for a couple of years before deciding to stay at home full-time, after her second child was born. “It’s always been my dream to stay at home and raise my kids. To me, there’s nothing quite like those early years spent together – I wanted to do whatever it took to take advantage of that and soak up as much time with them as possible.” While there are things she misses about her old job, Bridget is incredibly grateful she and her husband made the choice they did. “I know life would have been beautiful if I had stayed, but I’m much happier where I am, and I think our kids are, too.”
Priorities and planning
When I asked what she prioritizes most as a stay-at-home mom, Bridget said it’s about dedication to a rhythm that helps her meet everyone’s needs to the best of her ability–including her own. “If I have no structure or intentionality to the day, I just find myself feeling really chaotic and stressed,” she said.
“Focusing on a rhythm or order to our lives, not necessarily a schedule, helps me feel a sense of purpose in what I do at home.”
For the sake of planning, Bridget divides her day into four different segments, morning, afternoon, evening, and night. These segments help her order which tasks and goals can be completed when.
Her current morning rhythm includes waking up a bit earlier than her kids for some quiet time of prayer, getting her kids ready for the day after a hearty breakfast, dropping off her oldest at school, and taking the other kids on a long walk around their neighborhood or getting some time outside. After that, her youngest plays independently while Bridget teaches her 5-year-old her kindergarten lessons. Once that wraps up, the kids help her with a morning chore or two.
Sometimes I let them choose which ones, and leave the others for the afternoon segment. Daily chores with the kids usually involve unloading the dishwasher, sweeping, vacuuming, or folding laundry. I used to try to get chores done while they were napping, until I realized that naptime was valuable time alone–so now I incorporate chores into our rhythm of life. It helps me get them done, and it helps them learn a sense of responsibility.
Bridget’s afternoon segment consists of eating lunch and putting the youngest down for a nap while setting her 5-year-old up for a time of rest.
I’ve worked with her to help her learn that she needs a couple hours of rest in her room during this time. She reads books, plays quietly, or sometimes watches a show. Sometimes she even still falls asleep. Whatever the case, I find it really important to teach my kids that solitude and downtime alone is healthy for everyone, including me!
Bridget takes this time alone to work through some tasks on her computer, like budgeting, or reading. “I love reading,” she said. “I find it so soothing and it helps keep my mind open and fresh. I cannot recommend enough that mothers take time to read, even if it’s just a little.”
Life after naps
After naptime, Bridget heads to pick up her oldest from school. “Sometimes we stop at a park, run an errand, or grab a snack on the way home. I like to take advantage of the time I’m out of the house, rather than packing them all up again.” Once home, Bridget focuses on preparing dinner. Her husband usually arrives home in the early evening, and he takes over the kids while she finishes cooking.
“Cooking is also a really cathartic part of my day,” she said. “I really love the feeling of making something nourishing for my family, but I also love just kind of tuning into the task and seeing it through. Sometimes I listen to a podcast or music while I do it, too.”
After dinner, Bridget’s family focuses on time together, whether that’s a game, taking a walk together, or watching a movie. Once this time wraps up, they start the kids’ bedtime routines. Her oldest starts working on homework while this happens and goes to bed a bit later than the others. Once all the kids are in bed, Bridget will take the time for a quick workout or spend quality time with her husband. “Sometimes we work out together–killing two birds with one stone is the name of the game!”
Half as hard, twice as good
Bridget’s life is far from easy, but she loves the challenges being a stay-at-home mom has brought. When I asked her what she sees as the greatest challenge, she said:
Honestly, learning the best use of our time. I want our days to be meaningful but also not forced and exhausting. Finding time for myself and my marriage is also really key to me, but it has to be fought for. I want to manage my kids’ needs and meet them as best I can without totally burning out at the end of every day.
Inspiration for everyone
No matter how you work, Bridget’s dedication to intentionality and rhythm in her home is inspiring. Her choice to dedicate herself fully to life at home is certainly an important form of work – one that offers grounding to herself, her family, and all those she encounters. When I asked her what her favorite part of being a stay-at-home mom is, she said:
Being there for every moment, hands down. I love how well I get to know my kids. That’s possible while working, but for me, I have the most peace where I am and I’m incredibly grateful that I get to be here.
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I agree! I am a stay at home mom who home-schooled both my girls who are now in college. I loved being there for them everyday. There were days that were challenging but in the end rewarding. Not only did I get to know them really well, they were able to know me really well. They were able to learn many things that they just didn’t have time for when they attended school for the few years before we home-schooled; for example: house-hold chores, working with Dad outside, finances, home repair, making meals, shopping for groceries, attending Mass more than once a week, and having time to just be kids and play. Also, the flexibility of homeschooling allowed us to travel all over the US, and for both of our girls to start their own businesses in their teens. Staying home also allowed my husband to not worry about the house and focus on his job. My kids are happier and healthier than their peers who have both parents working. All in all I would say stay at home moms are invaluable and if you can do it financially, then do it, or figure out a way that you can stay home.