Help! I’m jealous of my best friend
Published on January 22, 2025

You’ve been together through everything – then one day your bestie acquires that special something you just don’t have: career advancement, new boyfriend, better family situation or financial security.
Feeling left behind? Having difficulty celebrating your friend’s success? We’ve all been there. Jealousy can be a tough emotion to face, especially when it’s directed at someone you care about deeply.
But just because you’re battling these feelings doesn’t mean it has to ruin your friendship. Here are several practical ways to help work through jealousy while protecting your friendship and your own well-being.
1. Understand the root of jealousy

thing they possess – for example, your friend’s success as a musician might leave you longing for recognition in a completely different field. Recognizing this distinction is crucial: the thing you’re jealous of may symbolize something you also wish to achieve someday, even if it’s in another form.
Key takeaway:
You may not have what your friend has right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never achieve something equally fulfilling. Alternatively, it might not be in the cards for you, and that’s okay too. Life often unfolds in ways we don’t expect, and there’s a reason for everything.
2. Avoid blaming Your friend

It’s important to remember that your friend’s success or blessings weren’t achieved to hurt you. They shouldn’t have to feel guilty for their achievements, just as you wouldn’t want to feel guilty if the roles were reversed. Depersonalizing the situation can help you see things more objectively.
Action step:
Put yourself in their shoes. If you were in their position, would you want your friend to resent you? Likely not. This perspective shift can help you let go of resentment and focus on your own path.
3. Put things Into perspective

Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters in your life. Are you becoming overly attached to something fleeting, like wealth, fame, popularity, or even a relationship? While these things can be desirable, they’re not the ultimate measure of a meaningful life.
Key insight:
Clinging too tightly to these “lesser goods” can lead to idolizing them at the expense of the people around you. You might make them seem more important than they truly are. By focusing on the bigger picture – your values, goals, and relationships – you can avoid being consumed by envy.
4. Reevaluate your desires

When jealousy strikes, ask yourself: Is this thing I desire truly worth my energy? If it’s a worthwhile goal, use your friend’s success as motivation. Knowing someone who has achieved what you’re striving for can inspire and guide you.
Tip:
If you find yourself feeling that your friend doesn’t deserve their success, try to shift your focus. Instead of dwelling on why they “don’t deserve it,” think about why their achievements show that success is possible for you too – perhaps in a different area or kind of endeavor.
5. Take a hard look at yourself

Jealousy can be an opportunity for self-reflection. Consider what steps you need to take to achieve your own version of success. This might involve setting goals, working on your skills, or even reevaluating what success means to you.
Instead of seeing your friend as competition, re-order your thinking to visualize him or her as inspiration, driving you to a more excellent life.
Reflection:
Ask yourself: What can I learn from my friend’s journey? How can I channel this energy into improving myself?
6. Beware of crossing the line into envy

If your feelings of jealousy evolve into anger or a desire to see your friend fail, you’ve crossed into envy. This is a destructive emotion that can damage your friendship and harm your sense of self.
Warning sign:
If you start seeing your friend as competition in a zero-sum game, take a step back. Ask yourself if this anger is worth losing the friendship over. Remember, there’s no greater loss than compromising your own character.
7. Value what you already have

Jealousy often blinds us to the blessings we already possess. Don’t lose sight of who you are and what you’ve achieved because you’re focused on what someone else has.
Final thought:
The strength of who you are – your values, character, and how you relate to others – is more important than anything you can possess or accomplish. By remembering this, you’ll find it easier to let go of jealousy and preserve what truly matters: your friendship and your sense of self.
Feeling jealous of a loved one’s situation or success doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship. Instead, it can be a chance to grow as a person and realign your priorities. With a few mindset changes, you can move past this emotion and continue to celebrate your friend’s successes while building a fulfilling life of your own.
Excellent article. Thank you.