Do you have a third place?

Go to work, come home. Go to work, come home. Repeat. This is the reality for so many of us, but it’s not the only way. What is missing from this humdrum 9-5 on repeat is a third place. Put simply, a “third place” is a location where you spend your time other than in your primary place (home) and secondary place (work or school). A third place is neutral, welcoming, and communal. It is a gathering place to enjoy the good alongside others. In days gone by, a third place would’ve been easy to find and somewhat second nature, but modern society has become increasingly compartmentalized, and with that change, many people have lost the idea of a third place entirely. 

Where have all the third places gone?

Our digital day and age has the ability to connect anyone, regardless of location. This comes with many benefits but, in the case of authentic human community, it is at a very steep cost. Technology was already moving in an increasingly fractured way, but the pandemic catalyzed an increasingly compartmentalized society with more widespread grocery delivery, telecommuting, and reliance on online schooling. Many people have permanently adapted their lifestyle to include nothing outside of work and home. This was the nail in the coffin for many third places. Seeing coworkers, crossing paths with a neighbor at the supermarket, or chatting with classmates has become even more rare in recent years, and we didn’t even think to miss it. Taken on its own, these small social engagements do not seem to be the stuff of dreams, but their absence is telling of the greater loss — our society is losing (or willingly giving up) its neutral meeting places. Casual and informal places where people can gather, socialize, and connect — third places. Cafés, barber shops, and village squares have been sacrificed for the sake of efficiency and at times, “safety.” Coffee shops have drive-throughs, headphones at the gym are preferred to public parks, and housing is built to maximize space not connection.

Why do we crave a third place?

For many, the only place that holds a semblance of being a third place is their church community. Third places hold within themselves something vitally essential to human community. A gathering place. Leisure. Worship. Connection. These things need a space in your lifestyle, but even more importantly, they also need a physical location. We are embodied persons, and the biggest lie of the technological age is that physical location is no longer relevant. The increased movement of society away from neutral public gathering places has led to the loss of third places, and hence, the loss of community. Finding a third place is about putting yourself in the kind of setting where connection can happen.

If you want to find your village, find the well!

When we think about community, our first thought is often the people who surround us in our home and workplace. These are the places where we spend most of our time, but the dynamics of these locations are inherently charged. Your home is wonderful for connecting with family, but what about meeting new friends? Your workplace is great for seeing new people and solving challenges, but what about forming personal connection? The third place is welcoming, neutral, and accessible. It has a way of putting everyone at ease and on equal footing. Think coffee shops, playgrounds, community centers, libraries, or quintessentially, the well at the center of the village. Third places are about putting yourself into a place where there is an occasion for connection! It doesn’t have to be formal programming, and it doesn’t have to involve elaborate hosting. Think about places where your village can already gather and then gradually spread the word so that those spaces can be used with more frequency. It won’t happen overnight, but with time, gathering in a third place will come more naturally and will be a low-stakes occasion to grow a community.

Does your village have a watering hole? If not, here are a few ways to add more time at a third place into your lifestyle:

• A weekly playgroup (i.e. “We will play at X park on X morning every week this month. Spread the word!”)
• A walk/jogging group (i.e. “I will be going for a morning walk around the neighborhood starting at X time every Saturday.”)
• Informal reading time at the local library (i.e. “I return my library books on the second Wednesday of each month and will be lingering to read until X time.”)
• Sunday afternoon coffee hour (i.e. “After X mass I will be going to X coffee shop for a Sunday treat.”)

In order to capitalize on the neutral and welcoming environment of a third place, aim for non-committal recurring events in public places. One-on-one plans are wonderful too, but the beauty of a third place is that it is more organic. It will take some initial invitations until the culture of third places takes root in your village, but soon you will reap the benefits of a communal location where friendship of proximity can deepen and flourish.