“This is probably one of the hardest times of your life,” the Franciscan priest guiding us through marriage prep has told me many times.

In the beginning, his warning struck me as odd. Life can be very, very hard. Why would preparing for marriage be one of the hardest?

But as I’ve continued to journey through this time, I have found that he might just be right. While he has the credentials to advise wisely, this time has been filled with more tribulations than I ever could have imagined.

While preparing for marriage and a wedding is truly filled with so many good things, it is also very challenging.

You are beginning to tackle the newfound lifelong challenge of making every decision with another person (even if he is super cute), while also thinking of your family, the guests, and how it all fits into a budget. Yet still making every decision with intentionality. It’s not easy.

Wedding planning is very much a balancing act – the joy and excitement mixed with the stress and chaos – and I’ve learned a lot along the way.

Let people celebrate with you

This is hard for me. I love celebrating other people, but I have a hard time letting people celebrate me. I feel guilty that other people are going out of their way to do things for me.

Wedding planning has helped me overcome this weakness. In fact, at this point  I want to be celebrated right now. I am so excited about everything that is happening. I have found the one whom my soul loves and I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I am over the moon excited, and I want the people I love to be excited with me.

So, I’ve started to let go of that guilt that told me I was burdensome to celebrate. Instead, I’ve let the people who love me celebrate my joy with me – and it has brought so much more happiness to this season of preparation. Let others do the same for you!

Splurge on the things that are important to you, save on the things you don’t care about

Weddings are typically all about the budget – which is a good thing. This is possibly the most expensive day of your life (so far), so stick to the budget you set. But this doesn’t mean that you should cut corners on things that matter to you.

Sit down with your fiancé and decide what matters to you both. Do you care about florals? Designer clothes or shoes? Having a large guest list? Your dream venue? Whatever it is, write it down. Then, figure out what you don’t care as much about.

Once you do this, you can continue wedding planning knowing what areas you’re willing to splurge in (within reason) and where you should look for the absolute most bang for your buck. As a bonus: this is great training for the rest of your lives. Create a budget, prioritize, and then save relentlessly on the things that don’t matter as much.

It’s not a family reunion

This was a tough pill for me and my family to swallow. I’m blessed to come from a large extended family who all live within the same general area. My mom’s side could have easily made up the entirety of our guest list, and we didn’t have the budget to expand.

At the end of the day, I had to realize that our wedding was not my family reunion; it is a time to celebrate your love and marriage with the people who have formed you both into the people you are today. Unfortunately for us, that meant making some tough calls on who to invite, but at the end of the day, we will be surrounded by the faces that have actively impacted our lives; not the people that we know love us, but we haven’t seen in years.

You can’t please everybody

My family has a lot of opinions – which I’m normally quite thankful for. Their input is often wise and helps me make good decisions. But sometimes in wedding planning, your family is looking at a single piece of the puzzle, while you’re looking at the big picture. While your family might be well-intended, you must also realize that soon they will become your extended family. You are now building a life with your new immediate family: your soon-to-be-husband and whatever children the Lord may bless you with. You have to make decisions that are best for you and your fiancé.

Take the time to listen to them and make them feel heard. Sometimes, you can explain yourself if necessary, but often, it’s not. Listen to their advice, but ultimately do what is best for you and your future spouse. Everything will come together beautifully on the big day, and (most) people won’t even remember their differing opinions.

Feeling crafty? Have fun with DIY details

It may seem silly, but there are so many affordable ways to customize your special day and have fun with the details! We’ve had some good laughs (and a few happy tears) with the final planning, and it has made all the difference.

For example, I bought an embosser and some cocktail napkins and we embossed over 300 napkins with our initials. A cheap order of custom stickers from Etsy and some stir sticks from Amazon? Voila! We have custom stir sticks for our signature cocktails. Buying a corner rounder from Hobby Lobby for 5 dollars transformed my self-made Canva invitations from acceptable to elegant.

Now, I don’t suggest doing this last minute, but, if you give yourself time, there are so many little details that you can customize and have fun with. BONUS! They can make your day extra-special without breaking the bank.

Ask for help when needed

Don’t try to do it alone. Wedding planning can be completely overwhelming. Ask for help. Your fiancè is not meant to show up on the wedding day without having a hand in the planning process; let him help.

Ask your bridesmaids for help. Your mom or future mother-in-law. Friends who aren’t bridesmaids are often willing to help. You are so loved and people are so excited for you. Bring them into this joyful time and give them an active role in the celebration! 

Pray with your future spouse

This should be at the top of the list because it is without a doubt the most important thing.

The devil is threatened by good and holy marriages, so he will attack you both during this time of preparation. Stay a step ahead of him and make sure your prayer life is fortified.

My fiancè and I are Catholic, so our prayer commitments center around the sacraments and Catholic traditions. We join each other for night prayer daily, a Holy Hour weekly, and pray Lectio Divina together at least weekly, and go to Confession monthly. But no matter what, I highly recommend regularly receiving the sacraments together in preparation for the sacrament of marriage.

Not only should you be praying with your future spouse, but your personal prayer life should be secure and stable, too.

Find a prayer schedule that works best for you. But, as one wise priest told me, you should spend ten times the number of hours preparing for marriage as you do preparing for your wedding.

No matter what, your special day will be so beautiful, people will have fun, and you will get to marry the love of your life. Let go of any pressure you feel to make it the “best day ever.”

The best days are yet to come.