Trendy parenting vs. real life: What actually works
Published on September 17, 2025
The bookstore moment
This past weekend, I was browsing a favorite used bookstore in search of a particular parenting book. The shelves in the parenting section were packed with options—including the one I had set out to find—and I was struck by the guarantees in their titles. From raising “successful” children to incorporating Montessori practices from birth to teaching kids anti-racism, each book claimed something different was foundational to parenting. While many contained real wisdom, many also presented themselves—through titles and descriptions—as the only way to parent.
Why we’re drawn to parenting trends
The current generation of young parents, perhaps more than any before, is especially susceptible to trend-based parenting. We all know someone in our social circles who seems to embody this—aligning their parenting with a particular expert or philosophy, rather than what the moment, the child, or their own priorities might call for.
“Gentle parenting,” “attachment parenting,” and “Montessori parenting” are just a few of many identifiers people adopt based on a chosen method or trend. Some methods are grounded in years of research and generations of testing. Others are the invention of a few social media personalities.
Why trends are so tempting
Why do we lean so heavily on experts? Often, it’s because we don’t want to repeat the difficulties of our own childhoods. Or maybe it’s because we lack a cohesive cultural vision of what it means to raise a virtuous person. Either way, “trendy” parenting provides comfort in the most vulnerable place of all: the fear that we’ll mess up our children.
Trends and methods provide a sense of security in the midst of the uncertainty of raising children and encountering your own flaws in the process.
Parenting isn’t a science experiment
Many parenting methods hold valuable wisdom. But the temptation is to treat parenting like a science experiment with predictable results, rather than as a process. Many parenting trends and methods are based on seemingly solid studies, with results that we are told we must apply in order to succeed.
As Michaeleen Doucleff writes in Hunt, Gather, Parent:
“Even when studies are sufficiently powered—and have strong evidence—many times they don’t tell parents what we really want to know: whether the tool or strategy will work with our own children. Just because a tool works in a laboratory or with a small group of kids does not mean it will be useful for your kid, in your home.”
At best, she notes, studies suggest what might work on average—helping some families, doing nothing for others, and even making life harder for a few.
What experts can’t promise
No matter what method we choose, it cannot actually guarantee the outcome we’re hoping for—despite what its creators promise. What it can guarantee, if we lean on it too heavily, is that we won’t develop the humility, discernment, and surrender required to figure out what actually fits our family, or each unique child within it.
The real missing ingredient: your family
Every parenting study or method leaves out one crucial test subject: your family. A method might be popular and even helpful for many households, but that doesn’t mean it will work in yours. Or perhaps some parts will work, especially when combined with practices from other methods.
The best way forward is to take the ideas you’re drawn to into prayer and discussion with your spouse. Tailor them as you see what works—and what doesn’t—not simply follow what an “expert” dictates. They may be experts in a field, but they are not experts in your family.
Priorities over prescriptions
Ultimately, parenting choices must come from our own priorities—discerned in cooperation with our spouses and guided by the wisdom of trusted people. Different methods appeal to us because they echo our priorities, but trouble comes when we let a parenting style or method decide our priorities for us.
By listening closely to our specific families – their spoken and unspoken needs – and to our own needs as parents, we can build a mix of practices, philosophies, and methods that actually work in our homes.
Related Posts
The fascinating history of coffee culture in America
By Johanna Duncan
Trick or treat: The Candy game plan
By Lindsey Fedyk
This Halloween: Party with the Saints!
By Lindsey Fedyk
Elegance as a path to God
By Johanna Duncan
As a new mother myself, I’ve quickly come to the conclusion that while the internet / social media / parenting books can be helpful in some cases, they can also easily stifle all motherly intuition and make you second guess everything you do! (At least for me). Good article!
When I was a new mom – 27 years ago- I was terrified of parenting. I was an only child who had no nieces or nephews, had never babysat, and was the first of my friends to have a child. My own childhood was hard because of my parent’s divorce. I was desperate not to “mess up.” At first I read these books and magazines like crazy. But 10 months in I quickly reversed course and decided to go with my gut, and basic advice from people in my daily life. My little mommy and me class was a lifesaver – leading me to friends all in the same boat. I would pick up tips from them that seemed useful to me, and then put away the ones that didn’t work or seemed less useful. As I gained confidence, this became easier and easier. That’s really the best way: to get advice from people actually in your life, people that you can see how their children are being raised and turning out. And people who know your family.
These books all seem to target moms, new-ish moms in particular. I legitimately couldn’t tell you of a single father who picks these up, let alone relies on them for advice. Is that accurate and if so I’m curious as to why.
Montessori teaches children how to learn. It’s an education system…not a how to for parenting. Incorporating Montessori techniques into child rearing helps children develop, but it’s a stretch to call it a parenting technique.
I was a much happier mom when I decided to put the books on the shelf and go with my own intuition.
I have taught ethics courses for over 40 years and raised three boys for slightly fewer years. During my teaching years–and even now–I gave away about 120 copies of Tom Lickona’s Raising Good Children. In fact, I thought so highly of the book that I was determined to meet the author. Tom and I are now friends and he has generously (it’s in his nature) signed books for me. My children and friends have signed copies of RGC. He noted that studies show that the highest correlated factor to good parenting is that the parent be concerned about good parenting. Intention produces effect. Richard McGowan, Ph.D.
I am the co developer of The Attuned Parent Program which helps parents attune to their true self where the divine resides to better attune to their children. Their true self. The I Am in the other. We can only attune to another to the degree we attune to ourselves. We can only attune to another to the degree we attune to your Creator. Be the parent they need rather than parenting from your own wounds. 🙏❤️
My mother, more than once, said she wished she had thrown all the “how to parent” books away and just loved her children.
Nobody mentioned the parents and grandparents as sources of learning anything about parenting. Why do you need to read what someone else thinks about parenting. What does someone who learned about parenting from a book written by some “expert” (???) know more or better than my parents and grandparents? Next you’ll probably tell me that we should consult a government expert! You know, someone from HHS, a bureaucrat.