A day in the life of a mother of children of any age certainly has its level of chaos. While it varies from woman to woman, modern mothers juggle everything from multiple children under 5 to various extracurriculars to homeschooling to their own professional lives and career demands. Whatever the cocktail (pun intended) of tasks, responsibilities, and events that make up a mother’s day, it’s easy to give her a pass when she reaches for the nearest stress reliever. 

For many, this takes the form of alcohol. 

Mommy, mayhem, and then Merlot

Struggles with alcohol consumption, especially to relieve stress or emotional discomfort, is often a private battle that affects the person consuming as well as those closest to them. What’s different for mothers is that consumption of alcohol to relieve stress has become a cultural norm, often played for comedy. 

Mugs that say “this is probably wine” and “mom all day, then chardonnay” sweatshirts may be readily available, but before reaching for the next glass of Merlot at the end of a long day, it’s worth asking whether this trend truly offers women the rest that they need and deserve. 

Sipping on stress

Studies on the relationship between alcohol and stress have shown that while alcohol is a good choice for instant relief, the long-term effects only make the problem worse. This study in particular from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism showed that chronic alcohol consumption to consistently relieve stress can produce an altered affective state, which can in turn cause… more stress. 

If a woman is experiencing chronic stress in motherhood, a repeated glass of wine may offer her temporary reprieve, but not without cost–it may affect her ability to cope with stress in the future, leading to increased alcohol consumption. 

Deeper issues

Beneath the physiological effects of “mommy wine culture,” the underlying messages are perhaps even more toxic. While a well-timed glass of wine can be truly leisurely and enjoyable in the right settings, telling women that motherhood is something they need to escape from briefly to suit up for again the following day is hardly setting them up for fulfillment. 

What mothers need isn’t escape, but recreation–better yet, recreation with one another in solidarity of their shared vocation. Recreation, at its root, means to “be created again,” to pursue leisure in ways that offer us refreshment, health, and allow us to pour from a full cup. Mommy wine culture causes women to reach for instant relief rather than real rest, and often in isolation, rather than in supportive and uplifting company. Motherhood is difficult enough as is–women deserve more than just coping mechanisms. We need outlets and habits that nourish and sustain us. 

Wine time?

If all a mother does to find rest is escape through alcohol–even just a glass, spurred on by negative cultural humor–she’s deprived of the opportunity to receive the help she might really need, make changes in her life that allow for rest, and grow her capacity for handling the challenges associated with her vocation. Escaping doesn’t help us expand into more virtuous people, whatever our method of choice may be. Instead, it keeps us in a cycle of coping, escaping, resenting, and starting all over again. 

If you or women around you are experiencing chronic stress related to motherhood, you don’t necessarily need to abstain from alcohol in order to pursue real rest and recreation (ironically, I’m sipping a glass of Pinot Noir as I write this). As stated above, alcohol enjoyed in moderation and in the right contexts can be very leisurely. 

But first, examine your reasons for reaching for the glass – is it to escape, or enhance the experience in front of you? When we have a glass of wine paired with a good meal, or enjoy a cocktail in the company of good friends at a happy hour, we’re allowing alcohol to do what it’s intended to do: supplement an already enjoyable moment. But if we’re reaching for it to numb ourselves after a day of emotional or sensory overload, we’re letting it take away the opportunity to truly regulate, rest, and replenish for the following day. 

Less stress, more zest

Instead of reaching for alcohol, look for habits that help your mind let go of the stress of your day as a mother, whether that’s reading a good book with a warm cup of tea, going for a walk, or journaling. 

Better yet, examine if there are areas in your life and schedule that you can moderate or let go of something so that it’s not quite so stressful. If it’s available to you, you can also consider seeing a therapist to process and find better tools for coping, especially if anxiety and stress are a regular and debilitating part of your life. 

You deserve more than escape–more than anything, you deserve the chance to discover how peaceful and resilient you can truly be, all while still enjoying that occasional glass.