How Moms Work: Full time employment
Published on January 30, 2025

Welcome to a new Refine series!
It’s becoming more and more of a conversation about whether or not moms should work, or more specifically, what kind of work mothers should dedicate their time to. As a working mom myself, I find these conversations a bit fatiguing; whatever our personal opinions, the reality is that all moms work, whether their work takes them outside the domestic sphere or not.
In hopes to shed some light on this reality, this four-part series goes beyond the “yes or no” debate and takes us into the daily lives and discernment of mothers in their work, and gives those wondering what their own life might look like the information they actually need: the “how.” In this first installment, I profile a mom who works a full-time job in addition to her responsibilities as a mother and homemaker.
Lauren’s story
The first mother I reached out to to learn about her “how” was my friend Lauren, whom I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for several years. When I first met Lauren, she was early on in her motherhood with her first, but has since added two children to her family and continued in a successful career as an engineer. These days, she works fully remote in a full-time position, though she spent several years in an office setting prior to a job change a year and a half ago.
Her three children go to school from around 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon, during which she accomplishes a bulk of her workday. Her mornings involve getting her children ready for school and their morning routine, followed by school drop-off. Once she picks up her kids in the afternoon, she and her husband spend intentional time with them as a family until bedtime, after which she works a bit more several evenings a week.
Constant Discerning
When I asked Lauren how she and her husband discern their setup for home, work, and childcare, she answered with an answer that many families can relate to:
My husband and I are constantly discerning this. It’s not really something we ever stop discerning, because our family needs change and our children’s needs change as time goes on. So, we just pray through what we need to do at this particular point in time.
I have personally seen Lauren and her husband adapt as needs changed: even her move to a remote job with more flexibility was a result of this discernment.
Part of how they’re successfully able to discern and adapt is because Lauren has committed to letting God’s voice be the one they listen to.
Lauren’s advice for working moms
I asked her what advice she would give to moms discerning a similar path to hers, questioning if they can or should handle the balance. She was direct and to the point:
I would say to stop comparing yourself to other people. There are lots of groups that praise women in the workforce and there are lots of groups that condemn it. At the end of the day, what is God calling you and your family to do? We all have different gifts, talents, and circumstances and you don’t need to justify those on the internet to choose what’s best for your family.
Instead of listening predominantly to endless personal opinions about how moms should work, particularly online voices, Lauren has admirably focused on what Jean-Pierre de Caussade refers to as the “sacrament of the present moment.” For her, this means listening to what God has asked her specific family to do, and adjusting as different needs present themselves. Her perspective can spare mothers who also work full-time in a career a lot of worry and re-center us on what really matters: God’s particular will for our lives, and His Providence in helping us accomplish it.
Practical tips for full-time working moms
Finally, Lauren has some practical tips for how moms can care for their own well-being in the midst of the demands of full-time work and home life. Every day, she focuses on listening to the physical needs of her body and responding to them, whether that’s fitting in a workout, taking a walk, or even jumping on the trampoline with her kids.
Spiritually, she and her husband prioritize helping the other get away individually twice a year – once in the fall, once in the spring – whether for a quick visit to a dear friend or a silent retreat. These times of solitude offer them both some valuable times of reflection and prayer.
Lauren and her family an example not only of how to manage home life and full-time work, but also, more deeply, how to surrender to the will of God and truly receive His judgement alone as the one that defines us.
As she shared, the most important question for any mother is not what the world around us says is ideal, but rather, “What is God calling you and your family to do?”
Love this. I had never heard of the “sacrament of the present moment” concept but it aligns with my resolution to be where my feet are.
As a full-time working mom who works outside the home 4 days per week and has a long-ish commute, it is so discouraging to constantly see people on the internet condemning me for my choices. Truthfully, I wish I could be home with my children. However, our family needs affordable benefits, and my husband is self-employed. My job is a gift from God and I get to use this gift to help people every day.
Yes, it’s still heartbreaking every single day when my kids ask, “Mommy, can you stay home today?”
As of right now, this is where God has me, and I aim to take advantage of that every day at work. But I also work hard to be present when I’m home with them so that I’m able to live out my “real” vocation as a mother.
I do still get upset that the societal norm has shifted to create a need for women in the workforce, but all-in-all, I have a meaningful and engaging career, and for that, I am thankful.
Great series! A few years ago, I discerned that God was calling me to homeschool my three boys. I have always been a stay at home mom and for the past five years, I have been homeschooling. Discerning a path requires great prayer and thought. I think women can fall into a trap of thinking they need or want to have a career, when it can be a distraction of the devil which will take away the priority of raising children and running a household. I think that there are some women who have a true calling from God to work outside the home, but it definitely requires thorough discernment.
I do believe that God gives us a great responsibility to raise and bond with these precious children. They are beautiful human beings and my focus was to spend all the time that I could doing just what God had entrusted to me. The years raising my children go by all too fast. That time with them is something I will never have again and I want to savor it!
Two beautiful comments just before mine of women sharing experiences almost on opposite sides of the spectrum, but not condemning the other, just sharing the unique grace and thankfulness that they have found in each. Very helpful and encouraging to me as a younger lady who hasn’t had to step into this discernment position just yet!