Disillusioned with online dating? Here’s how to increase your chances of meeting your person in person

If you prefer love at first sight versus love at first swipe, chances are, you’re disillusioned with the online dating scene. You’re also not the only one who wants to feel butterflies over a chance meeting or have a great story to share about where and how you first met your spouse. Ready to meet someone IRL? Here’s how to increase your chances of meeting your person in person.

Taylor’s story 

After calling off an engagement, Taylor was sick of swiping. Reeling from yet another recent breakup, Taylor’s attention was nowhere near the dating scene. She preferred it to be on her little brother and his football camp. Waiting to watch a scrimmage, Taylor threw the football with her dad. She affectionately calls him her shield. And just then, in the midst of masking heartbreak, Taylor had a run-in with her brother’s coach Logan. After boldly approaching her on the field that day, they’ve been married for four years and counting. 

“I’ve been in the trenches in my late 20s in the dating scene,” Taylor explained, “Candid came out of my heartbreak; the frustration users are experiencing with online dating, I personally have lived it.” 

Taylor is the CEO and one of the co-founders of the Catholic dating app Candid. She’s not the only one to notice that in-person may be just better. While Candid was created with virtual speed-dating in mind, they’re adding in-person events across the country with Candid on the Road. With Taylor’s advice, here are tips that can help you navigate dates beyond the screen.

Stop looking for “the one.” Seriously, though.

A human being cannot be your savior, nor should you expect that out of someone. The ultimate soulmate died on the Cross for you. Online dating has created this incubator for finding the “perfect person,” but in reality, that’s not always how it works. Read more here to see what I mean. Taylor attests how “the one” mentality blocks one from being truly open to meeting their spouse.

“Online dating has us shopping for a person. It’s like build-a-bear. It’s allowed us to be superficial. It’s trained us that potentially there could be someone better who will come along. That’s just not the way that dating is supposed to work and has not been the case for everyone ahead of this generation.”

Date with zero expectations. Yes, really.

This sounds counterintuitive, but to truly see the other person in front of you, you have to ease up. Don’t project anything onto them. Go on dates without expecting anything from another person. Just be present and let them reveal who they are to you. This mindset can help you see clearly whether you are a bit too head-over-heels or writing someone off too quickly.

When Taylor went on the first date with her husband, she remained neutral. If anything, she was skeptical. Her mindset was as follows: “I am going to enjoy this hour, give him [Logan] the gift of myself and receive whatever the Lord has in this hour. When you’re getting older, we can get really picky, we can overanalyze everything. I ended up having a really great time.” 

And yes, it ended with Logan and Taylor tying the knot in 2022! Even though she didn’t know it at the time, God knew Taylor’s type better than she did. 

“I think as Catholics, we try to overcorrect,” cautions Taylor. “ We don’t want to waste anyone’s time. We want to discern before we go through the process, but allow yourself to go on dates. Go on the first, and the second. The goal of the first date is to know if you want to have a conversation with them. It’s about getting to know the person and asking, ‘could I see myself doing that again?’” 

Work smarter, not harder. 

If you’re looking to date for the sake of experiencing the opposite sex, then it is a numbers game. When looking for a compatible life partner, you only need to find the right person once. This truth can frustrate at times but also grant relief because if you’re living in God’s will and obedient to Him, you can never miss or lose what’s meant for you. 

Instead, focus on attracting the type of person you want to meet. It’s about becoming the spouse your husband (or wife) is searching for. Have clear boundaries and non-negotiables about how you conduct yourself and want to be treated on dates. 

Get in front of more people. Start conversations. Practice casual flirting. Switch up your routine and become a local somewhere new: a different coffee shop, another lunch spot. Attend co-ed activities that spark your interest. Say yes when you’re invited to a party or get-together. You never know who you may meet. 

“It’s harder these days, and I respect that, but marriage exposes everything,” Taylor said. “It’s good to be on the same page on the big issues. Movies? Favorite food? Those aren’t as big of a deal. It’s the morals of your household and the compass of the way you raise your family are really important to be aligned on. A spiritual director, leaning on your family, and trusted sources are also gonna help you while dating.” 

Your dating life doesn’t need another strategy

If we’re being honest, you don’t need another dating strategy. You may just need hope. If we can learn anything from Taylor’s story it’s that finding your person in person, isn’t a lost art. You don’t have to settle for a dating app if that’s not what you desire. Finding your spouse in real life happens! And it can happen to you, as long as you rely on God’s timing and trust in the process.