Five tips for guys on a first date: From your sister in Christ

You asked a girl on a first date, and she said yes! Congratulations! Now what? First dates can be difficult, for both the girls and the guys. The pair is often nervous, not sure what to do or say. I have had guy friends in the past ask me about female thought processes and what is important to us on a date. I decided, therefore, to put together this list of five things women want to see from a guy on their first date.  

All of the advice on this list is taken from my own personal experiences (positive or negative) or my friends’ experiences. Some of the tips may seem obvious, but trust me when I say that every point has been added to this list for a reason! I hope this helps — we’re rooting for you, gentlemen! Comment below with your own tips and tricks for the first date; I’d love to hear them.

1. Make a plan

Step one of a successful date is to have a plan. It doesn’t have to be overly complicated or very expensive, it just has to be intentional. Pick a restaurant that you really like. Pack a picnic lunch and go sit in a park. Maybe take her out for brunch! (Girls love brunch.) If you’re having trouble knowing what she would like, reach out to her friends and ask about her favorite foods or treats. If you are still unsure and want to ask her opinion, don’t ask an open-ended question about what she wants to do; that gives her the impression that she has to plan the date. Rather, give her some options: “Do you prefer Mexican or Italian food?” For bonus points, make a plan on what to do if the date goes well. Ask her if she would like to go on a walk, or perhaps to grab some ice cream. Intentionality and thoughtfulness are a big part of what a girl is looking for in a guy. She wants to know that you can be a leader, that you can make decisions and follow through on them. 

2. Every girl’s crazy …

… About a sharp dressed man! Girls spend hours (literally hours) deciding what to wear on a first date. It is only courteous to put a little thought and attention into what you are going to wear as well. Again, it doesn’t have to be crazy fancy; no need to wear a tuxedo, or buy a whole new wardrobe for a coffee date, but you also shouldn’t show up in sweatpants, shorts, or jeans with holes. A button down and nice jeans are a classic first date outfit. Whatever you do pick, make sure it is clean and ironed. Clothes are crucial to first impressions. Dressing well shows that you consider her worth the time and effort it takes to get dressed up. 

3. You’re so classic

This is something small, but it makes a big difference. As I mentioned before, girls will spend hours thinking about what to wear and getting ready for a date. A simple compliment at the beginning of the date goes a long way. Obviously we are all searching for qualities over and above the physical; we are all seeking a virtuous partner, not just a beautiful (or handsome) one. However, being physically attracted to someone is just as important as appreciating their character. Take a moment and tell her she looks beautiful! Women, when they look for a man, are looking for someone who will cherish them; giving her a compliment will signal to her that you are already on your way. 

4. Purity of attention

Ideally, on a first date, the conversation will flow smoothly… but usually that’s not the case. The biggest advice I can give in this regard is to ask your date questions — you want to get to know her, and the best way to do that is to ask her about herself. If you’re really nervous, you could even plan some questions ahead of time, or look up some conversation starters. The worst thing you could do on a date is to monologue, speaking only about yourself and your interests the entire time. I’m not saying that you should not speak at all, but you should make an effort to have a conversation that flows back and forth. Listen just as much, or even more, than you speak. This signals to the girl that she has your full attention and interest — you care about what she thinks, about what she has to say. Keep your phone off as well; you are here to get to know her, not check your texts. My favorite dates are the ones where I feel listened to and understood; guys who can listen well are rarer than you would think, and it will give you major bonus points on a first date. 

5. Now what?

After the date is over, have a plan for what to do next. If it went well, ask her out again very soon — maybe even at the end of the date! Don’t make her wait for days before asking her out again; that gives the impression that she is an afterthought. Rather, follow up with her soon after the date. Not only will you show that you value time spent together, you show that you are an intentional person, who wants to pursue something further and is willing to work to make it happen. If it didn’t go well, be considerate but clear. Be direct about what you want so that there is no miscommunication or confusion. Communication is the hardest part of any relationship, so start off strong. Girls appreciate a gentleman who will pursue them and will appreciate your thoughtfulness in following up promptly and clearly. 

Finally, don’t forget to relax and have fun. Dating, especially first dates, are supposed to be easy and enjoyable. Hopefully with these five tips, you can be confident as well. Good luck!