Turns out I’m an introvert: here’s what that actually means

My husband and I have more than a few things in common—but one of the most surprising is that when either of us tells someone we’re introverts, the response is usually disbelief.

We both enjoy conversation, aren’t shy in most situations, and have always prioritized friendships. For most of our lives, people assumed we were extroverts. But that assumption is rooted in a common misunderstanding of what introversion and extroversion really are.

What introversion and extroversion really mean

It’s easy to reduce these terms to surface-level traits. Extroverts are often seen as talkative, friendly, and loud. Introverts? Shy, quiet, and reserved. While those traits might describe some people, they don’t actually define what makes someone introverted or extroverted.

The real difference lies in energy—specifically, how we recharge.

Think of your daily energy like a battery. Some things drain it; others refill it. For introverts, solitude, reflection, and quiet activities tend to refill that battery. For extroverts, it’s interaction, conversation, and external stimulation that do the trick.

That doesn’t mean introverts don’t enjoy people or conversation. Many do (myself included!). But it does mean that social activity tends to use up our energy, rather than refuel it. Similarly, extroverts might love quiet moments—but their energy usually gets a boost from being around others.

Why it matters for your relationships and work

Understanding where you fall on this spectrum isn’t just about personality quizzes. It’s practical. If you’re introverted, maybe you need to block out time for solo work or take some quiet time after a night out. If you’re extroverted, scheduling regular calls with loved ones or seeking a more people-facing job might help you feel more energized and fulfilled.

We’re all wired differently. And while being introverted or extroverted might not define your entire personality, it can shape how you function best, how you relate to others, and how you restore your energy.

If you’ve been trying to “recharge” in ways that don’t actually work for you, it might be time to rethink the labels. You might find that your needs are different than you assumed—and that’s totally okay.