7 ways to stay connected with your kids when they go to college

College often is the first time you are out on your own. As a freshman, you subconsciously navigate this transition from carefree naiveté to recognizing that you are very capable and a free-thinker. It’s very American, this transition to a can-do attitude, but sometimes it relies heavily on pride. 

Today it is rare for multiple generations of family to live under one roof. As a result, we begin to rely on ourselves too much. We forget how to be interdependent. We all need the healthy separation that honors one’s independence, but we must also acknowledge the simple truth that we cannot do everything on our own. Striving to do everything by yourself rarely wins you a medal.

If you’re new to emptynesting as you watch your firstborn spread their wings, here are ways to support, guide, and love your children as they transition to independent living. 

Never underestimate the care package (send the necessities)

College students hate spending money, especially on necessities. Believe it or not, a care package with toothpaste, cough syrup, and granola bars is far better than candy. The great thing about the care package is that you are able to parent and provide a silent, subtle comfort that reminds your kid of your support. St. Nicholas, St. Valentine’s Day, and Easter are great excuses to send a little thoughtful something. It says no matter where you go or how you’re doing, I’m here. 

Digital scrapbook

Share photos via Google Photos or Icloud as a way to keep in contact. By uploading photos at their leisure, your college student can express themselves through their phone, which, let’s be honest, they’re going to do anyway. It also gives you peace of mind because you get to see their face, their surroundings, and put names to faces of their friends. It’s a casual check-in on their time that benefits you, too. A win, win.

A meal on you

By using Venmo or Doordash, you can send a sweet little treat (or meal) to your student. If there’s a test coming up or another big (or small) moment, sending money for something to eat or a coffee is a welcome surprise.

Standing monthly phone call

The once-a-month rule gives your college student freedom but also offers consistency! 

Host “office hours.” Pick a set amount of time and day of the week with your child where you as the parent are available to contact (no matter what). This way, your college student can come to you when they need reassurance or have a question (at a time that’s both convenient for them and for you). This idea leaves time for genuine and intentional conversations rather than rushed ones.

Family text thread

This one a lot of families already do, but if you haven’t adopted it yet, this is your sign! Everyone can be in on shared inside jokes, funny moments, and important family events this way. Sometimes, my family sends “fit checks” where we photograph our outfit of the day and send it to one another!

Understand your child’s love language

Love languages aren’t just for your spouse, and neither are attachment styles. Different children, even if they are siblings, need to be loved uniquely. Understanding your college student’s love language will also make your efforts to stay in contact more effective! Take this quiz to learn more.  

Send encouraging and affirming messages

A seemingly out of the blue, “Good luck on that test!” or “I love you, make the most of your day!” may go unacknowledged, but do matter. While space and feeling listened to are important for young adults, so is belonging. By sending affirmations you keep lines of communication open with your child and remind them they have a whole family cheering for them at home.